Different Communication Styles

Different Communication Styles
Our experiences shape our vocabulary, so it’s natural that our experiences also shape the way we send and interpret messages when speaking verbally and non-verbally. For example, as little girls, women were taught to make friends and establish bonds. On the other hand, as little boys, men were taught to compete. As a result, you may find the following idiosyncrasies in the workplace:

Small talk - observe a group of the same sex in your office and you’ll notice that women share their personal problems while men share hobbies or mutual interests.
Information - women see information as a means to an end (i.e. work together to get it done or sometimes gossip LOL), but men see information as power (i.e. want personal credit when getting done or won’t stop to ask for directions LOL).

Opposing views - women use personal experiences as evidence while men focus on direct statements to prove something is right or wrong.
Agreements - women nod to mean “I hear you,” but men nod to mean “I agree with you.”
Informal gatherings - women think playing golf, going out for a drink, and small talk before a meeting is “manly” or a waste of time, but men know informal gatherings are when most important decisions are made. Women attend formal meetings to weigh in on decision making, while men understand that the meeting doesn’t happen in the meeting. The purpose of the meeting is to confirm what has already been decided at the informal gatherings.
Meetings - women think it is impolite to interrupt when someone is speaking, but men compete in meetings to be heard. While women may think interrupting is rude, men think women take too long to make a point due to personal details.
Although it may be uncomfortable to change the way one communicates, men should be encouraged to join in on the personal part of discussions and women should be aware of when conversations become too lengthy. Women should also realize that personal details often undermine the message being conveyed. To find a middle ground, some helpful guidelines for women to follow are:

Make direct eye contact when speaking
Project your voice at a medium level, but do not over-compensate
Do not acknowledge or address anyone who interrupts when you are speaking
Do not sound like you’re the follower if you’re the leader
Make your words specific and precise
Support your opinions by facts, data, or evidence - not personal experience
Take ownership, use “I” instead of “we” to describe your work

Body language is another biggie. Because women are taught to bond, they prefer to face the person they are speaking with. But men view direct face to face as a competitive stance. For women, if you are not facing each other, then you are not listening. For men, standing or sitting side by side while looking at the report together instead of each other is just fine. If a woman tries to force a man to face her, the man may become uncomfortable with her defensive/aggressive approach. These differences are not right or wrong, but they often result in confusion and conflict.
As a male or female, have you noticed these different communication styles in your office?

Catfights

Fantastic Article



Catfights: Are Women Their Own Worst Enemies?Our expanded roles have fueled more competitionBy Samantha Chang
God forbid you be an ugly girl. Of course, too pretty is also your doom,
'cause everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room.—Ani DiFranco
Ever since women stepped into the workplace several decades ago, there's been a major shift in how society defines what it means to be a woman. Back in the day, a woman's primary source of status and identity came from the man she attached herself to.

Because a woman's status rose in correlation to the wealth and power possessed by her husband, it made sense that beauty, charm and being born into the “right” family mattered more than a woman's intelligence and competence. And if you were a single woman, forget it: You were persona non grata, a pathetic figure to be pitied and shunned.

Now, however, the rules have changed so that women continue to compete on their old turfs over looks, status and men, but also in new arenas such as professional and financial success. As much as we'd like to proclaim solidarity and sisterhood, the fact is, these new avenues have only intensified the competition among women. But because women are socialized to play nice and not be overtly aggressive, the game-playing between women usually involves back-stabbing and manipulation over direct confrontation.

A Rock and a Hard Place

Shockingly, some 95% of women felt undermined at some point in their careers by other women, according to a recent survey by the American Management Association. Women do this by resorting to petty behavior such as spreading gossip or shunning someone because we're conditioned to view each other as adversaries, according to Leora Tanenbaum, author of Catfight: Rivalries among Women—from Diets to Dating, from the Boardroom to the Delivery Room.

Sadly, this adversarial relationship only serves to keep women lagging behind men in the workplace, according to Tanenbaum. “Competition between women serves only the status quo,” she writes. “And the status quo keeps us from gaining more power over our lives, our work and our relationships.”

The flip side is that if women decided to act “like men,” toss the Nice Girl veneer and compete openly in the workplace the way men do, they risk being judged by both men and women as “unfeminine” and “overly aggressive,” so women are caught between a rock and a hard place in choosing between sneaky sabotage and open warfare.

More Things to Fight Over

Interestingly, despite the perception (and reality) that women are nurturing, skewed societal expectations can overtake even the best of us. Tanenbaum, who proudly considers herself a feminist, conceded this point. “I am committed to the idea that every woman should be given the opportunity to succeed in any endeavor she chooses,” Tanenbaum has said. “And yet, there is also a part of me that feels reassured if another woman stumbles…When I looked around, I discovered that this problem affects nearly every American woman.”

So what's at the root of this unhealthy rivalry? According to Tanenbaum, we feel competitive because of our confused place in society. In fact, femininity and competition go hand in hand, she says. ”By definition, the female role is something she ‘wins' at,” Tanenbaum has said. We win by marrying a wealthier man, being more attractive than the next woman and having more successful children.

And this competition has now spread to the office, where women—especially those in male-dominated professions—feel they have to be better than other women in order to validate their position as the token woman in a man's world.

Why Women Hate Working for Other Women

As a result of all this passive aggression, many women executives say their female assistants hold them in less esteem and believe there's more status in working for a man, according to Shere Hite, author of The Hite Report on Women Loving Women.

This also explains why more women don't help their female colleagues move up the corporate ladder. For a woman, it makes more sense to favor men at work because befriending a male colleague is a faster way to get ahead, says Hite. “On the other hand, angering and alienating men by openly aligning yourself with women colleagues (at men's expense) could have negative consequences.” So what's the solution to all this? Is there really one?

Much Ado About Nothing?

Personally, I find it a little odd that we accept as a given that envy is somehow exclusively a female quality when we all know that men are equally, or more, competitive over similar things: money, career success, attractiveness, and even spouses. What do you think accounts for some men's obsession with the mythical blonde trophy wife? A man gains status by having a hot young blonde standing next to him at a party, so it's all similar.

In a way, dissecting rivalries among women only adds to the divisiveness. I had started out writing this piece hoping to uncover some secret reasons for the purported cattiness and pettiness among women, only to conclude that it's a universal issue. Competition exists in all areas of life, and there's nothing wrong with it if it's not taken to an extreme (Tonya Harding, this means you). In fact, healthy competition is the basis of our capitalistic, free-market economy, and it has spurred almost every innovation known to man (and woman).

Obviously, the important thing is to not let envy or competition eat away at us or lead us to unethical or illegal behavior. Not only is that unhealthy, but it's totally counterproductive. This being said, there is something to be said for solidarity—not just among women, but in general. A solid work ethic coupled with a cordial, professional attitude will take you far in your career—whether you're a man or a woman.

Linked IN

I have found a great networking site called Linked In. I have made some great professional contacts. The link to my professional site is at the bottom of this page. Check it out, build your own, and send me an invitation!!!

Killer day!

Just wanted to toot my own horn a bit..today I closed $111,900 in business!!!.......Feels good to close on big deals...it is a high!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Powerful Women

I just wanted to post this for everyone. These women are the top in their game. They are excellent at what they do and realizing that it's OK to be amBITCHous they have created POWER. We all can take a lesson from these women.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teQWHO0IZJo

Some days

As a manager sometimes I feel like a glorified babysitter. My sales staff can act like a group of pouting, tantum throwing, four year olds. Today a new cell phone plan went into effect. Before they were given a phone and everything was paid for. But it got out of hand so now the plan goes...the cell phone is paid for and the plan is a $100 unlimited nationwide and 50% is paid for...Oh my gosh did I hear the bitching! You would think I had asked for their first born! In the most professional way I could muster I told them " This is the new plan and is not up for a discussion or vote. So ladies I am dying to hear your stories...Join in!

Some important lessons

These are some things that I have learned (most of the time the hard way) over time and I really wanted to share them with the sisterhood.

1.Never lose sight of your ambitions and goals. Write down your goals in big bold writing and put them where you can see them all the time so you are always focussed no matter what distractions are in your life.

2. Read everyday for at least 20 mins a day. (e-mail doesn't count)

3. Have mentors. Listen and learn from them.

4. Don't let small setbacks get you derailed. Learn from them and move on.

5. The last and most imprortant..Have a TRUE support system. When I say true I mean people that embrace your goals and ambitions. Not people who just smile and say "Oh thats nice"

I also recommend the books "am*BITCH*ous, and Carolyn 101"